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The Dark Lady Podcast
The Dark Lady Podcast

Episode 11 · 1 month ago

Return of The Dark Lady

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

She’s baaaaaaaaack!

The Dark Lady returns from a long vacation and recounts her harrowing adventures with mummies, ghouls, and a tentacle monster.

When the witching hour draws near, she will whisper in your ear. Nightmares do come true. This is a horror fiction podcast featuring stories that will shock, disturb and dismay. You're listening to the dark lady podcast. M M...

M M m M. Hey boo, it's been a while, long time. No Talk. How you been, what you've been up to? Where are you going? No, seriously, where do you think you're going? Come in, come in, sit stay. I don't bite, well, only if you want me to. M Hm AH, boy, do I have a story for you. The dark lady has had a rough year.

Let me tell you. My troubles began the day after Halloween. I was at home in my private estate, nothing too fancy. You know, I like to live below my means. I live in a standard three story mansion surrounded by three acres of forest, gargoyles on the roof, a mausoleum in the back, a very typical haunted house. Anyway, I was minding my own business, living my boring and dead life. I woke up pretty early that day, like eight pm or nine P M. Sh I crawled out of my coffin, went downstairs and poured myself a glass of red wine. I was going to curl up on my seduced chase and read the latest edition of Weird Tales magazine. Then I got an unexpected guest. Who Are you? Now? I usually don't mind when some unknown entity comes crashing through my...

...window. There are creatures who are just not capable of knocking. Their claws are too big, their bodies are made of air, they can't touch silver door knobs, so when they see a window, they just jump right through it. Whatever. That's what the insurance is for, right. But this guy, he was a human and I know for a fact that they know how to ring a doorbell. This one just chose not to, he was so rude. One of those monster hunters, you know. He was a Lanky guy in his forties, wearing this tacky black leather coat and sunglasses. You could smell the midlife crisis wafting across the room, and when he pointed that flamethrower at my face, that's when I started to get mad. I was about to bite this guy's head off, but I told myself take a...

...deep breath and count to ten. I am a Vegan. I have been for three or four centuries now. And what that means is I don't eat or use products containing human flesh. It's not an easy lifestyle, but it's a fulfilling one. It's great for the environment and I put a lot of work into it. I meditate, I eat a lot of hamburgers. I really, really, really didn't want to break my diet, so I try to do some conflict resolution. I looked to the hunter in the eye and spoke to him in a calm, soothing, non threatening tone. I said, don't try me, mother, and he did anyway. He started blasting and well, let's just say I had a cheat day. I thought that was the end of it, but one little guy goes missing and the whole town go is up in arms. The police started investigating teenagers, reporters,...

...torches and pitchforks. So I told myself I need a vacation, so I packed my bags and off I went. First I went to see my mummy. No, not my mother. Her name is charmion. She's a friend from Egypt. We went to embalming school together. I hadn't seen charm in years. Okay, Charmi on. Hi, Oh charm thank you so much for letting me stay in your tomb. I promise I won't Gauze you too much trouble. I get it. I spent a couple of weeks catching up with charm then I went to the old country. backpacked across Europe. I...

...went to Paris, made some friends with some really nice schools. Well, they were really nice to me. They took me to the catacombs and led me to their secret layer. They even offered me dinner. Oh Oh, for me. Ah, thank you, you're so sweet, but I can't. I'm Vegan. Yeah, I always wanted to go to Japan, so I did. I went to the Okinawa islands. The water was so beautiful, so I decided to rent a cute little rowboat and go fishing. HM,...

...okay, oh, we got one. Mm Hmm, big fella, aren't you? WHOA? Oh, Hey, watch it, I almost fell in the water. What, uh, what tactical monster, you grows. It's touching me. You, it's so cold and slimy. Hey, me...

...down. Oh my God, Oh my God, Oh, that's not too bad. Hey, stop that. The tickles. What all right, but you have to buy me a drink first. Now, that was a wild ride. I mean it's great to be back tune in next week for another episode of the Dark Lady podcast. This is an original horror fiction anthology series that takes radio theater to new extremes. Until next Sun, Darling. Goodbye.

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